5 Myths About Dominants You Need To Know
For the record, I am not a Dominant (and I don’t play one on TV) but I love a Dominant man, and I have learned a lot about him in our time together. There are plenty of misconceptions about BDSM, and Dominants are no exception.
There’s no such thing as a perfect Dominant or a true Dominant, but as long as we understand they are human beings first and foremost, we can find the perfect Dominant for us.
Myth 1: Dominants are mind readers.
I know it feels like they are. Many Dominants are great at watching people and listening to what we’re saying or not saying, but they are not and never have been mind readers. They can’t know exactly what you want or need unless you communicate with them. Using the vanilla standard of “Fine” when things are most definitely not “fine” isn’t going to help solve whatever is going on with you. You have to communicate with your Dominant.
Myth 2: Dominants always know what to do.
Many Dominants are great at exuding an air of confidence. Sometimes they are, and sometimes they aren’t. My own Daddy Dom has often admitted (after the fact) that he’s just flying by the seat of his pants in some situations - usually when I’m naked and he’s trying to decide the best way to have some fun. If you get the sense that your Dominant is unsure, it’s okay to ask if you can help. Offering the solution may seem like “taking control” but really, it’s just another way to serve your Dominant.
Myth 3: Dominants don’t get nervous, scared, or feel bad.
Who are these mythical creatures we have in our heads? Have we all been reading too much erotica? Dominants are people and people get nervous, scared, and feel bad from time to time. To think otherwise is to do a disservice to your Dominant, and you’ll miss opportunities to help your Dominant in times of crisis. They may not show it, and they may not love the fact that you notice their distress, but they will (usually) appreciate your willingness to help them feel better - even if it’s just distracting them with a butt wiggle so they have a reason to spank you or holding their hand until they feel ready to face whatever it may be.
Myth 4: Dominants always feel Dominant.
I can’t speak for any Dominants out there, but when my own wonderful Daddy Dom went through a year of dealing with his sister’s cancer and then her death, there were times when the last thing he wanted was to make another decision or be in control of anything. Just like you don’t always feel submissive when life kicks your butt, neither do our Dominants. Part of serving is to give them the space they need to deal with their emotions, offering support and comfort, and (from my experience) continuing to act as their submissive even when they aren’t demanding it.
Myth 5: Dominants get everything they want, all of the time.
If your Dominant didn’t spank your butt or flog you or drag you around by your hair because you had a headache, got the flu, or just found out your dog died, there is all the proof you need that they don’t get everything they want all of the time. The best Dominants are out to get what they want and give you what you need. When those two don’t match up, sometimes, they put their own wants and needs to the side in order to take care of you. The Dominant who does what they want regardless of what’s going on with you is suspect and possibly not the best Dominant.
I think the good Dominants of the world are awesome - even those who’s kinks don’t match my own. But I also know they’re people with their own emotions, thoughts, and issues. Love your Dominant, worship them even, but don’t believe too many myths about them. You’ll only end up very confused and disappointed when they prove that the myths are wrong.